Listening to My Heart

When I was younger, I misunderstood the concept of listening to my heart. My egoistic perception of “listening to my heart” meant looking outward at my situation with its participants and becoming a warrior fighting for what I wanted – becoming overly emotional, sensitive, isolated, demanding, and allowing panic, animalistic behavior, and victim/villain positions to take over. Driven by my need for love and contracted in fear, I was exhausted and confused. After a long period of turmoil, it was my yearning to know myself as peace that I surrendered, and understood. I learned the difficult way this is not what “listening to my heart” is all about, quite the contrary. It has nothing to do with getting angry, demanding, blaming, shaming, panicking, becoming unreasonable or irrational and the like. Instead, it’s all about calmness, inner peace and tapping into the Universal Wisdom that is located within me, every one of us and allowing it to guide me through life. Listening to my heart begins with understanding – I Am Love.

Today I know the choice, my choice, to see a bigger picture – one that includes me and others. I understand that my ideas about others are within me and others do not “owe me” more than what I am capable of perceiving and experiencing. And… others changing for me, does not change my experience of myself.
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It was in my desire for relief from my own nature that I learned I owe myself the pleasure of taking personal responsibility for my experience. I turned the looking glass on me and inward – entering into Self-awareness. Self-awareness brought me an understanding of myself as Universal Energies operating as a “Mental Matrix of Beliefs” and how those beliefs were operating through my thoughts, emotions and behaviors and reflecting to me through my relationship to everything – physical body, people, money, places and situations – making up my life experiences wanted and unwanted.
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I owe myself the kindness of understanding and accepting myself and the spaciousness then necessary to build a new mental matrix that includes my choice to – listen to my deepest heart, tapping into Universal Wisdom and Knowing that all my experiences are a reflection of the quality of relationship I am having with the deepest nature of who I AM – LOVE!

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